Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i drank out of a bidet.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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