Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize