It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
