I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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