I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
