I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
