After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize