There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
