He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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