OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
