Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
