So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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