Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize