Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize