hell yes lets make some ravioli
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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