I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
