This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
