Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
