ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
