i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
