Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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