i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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