Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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