there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
