i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
