Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
