Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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