5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
