I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
