I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
