I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Shame - the story of my life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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