she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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