and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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