i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
