I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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