when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
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