1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
