so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
