Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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