i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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