sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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