Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
