just tell him i said nine months
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
