I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This is the high leading the old right now
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
