There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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