butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
