Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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