you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
