there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need to calm my uterus...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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