so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Plan B is the new Plan A
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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