i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He passed out mid-signature
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
