end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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