ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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