there's paper in my vomit.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
