He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
