That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How external is "for external use only"?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
