just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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