used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
