Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
