im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize