yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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