So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
