This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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