OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
