amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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