i just google imaged poop.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Let's paint friendship bongs
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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