my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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